Husbands, love your wives. Got it. Check! I do that. Hopefully, if you’re a husband, you do that too. But it’s bigger than just loving her, isn’t it? In fact, here’s the question I want you to consider today if you are a husband (it’s a good question to ask if you’re a wife with a great husband at home, too):
When it comes to being a husband, how do you want to be remembered someday when its all said and done?
I’ll share with you what I’m hoping for in this post and at the end, I’d love to hear what your goal is. But before we get to that, let me address why I’m writing about this.
My passion and mission here is learning to Thrive at Life. So let’s face it, if your marriage ain’t right, nothing else matters. When your home is in order everything else is simply a continuation of the blessings. But if it’s a mess, so is the rest.
In many ways, getting it right is simply a matter of making a decision to do so.
Deciding To Love
There is a reason that God instructed men to “love your wives”. Why? Because love isn’t our natural or first language. Men are motivated by respect more than love. This is why the command to love is given to the fellas and not the ladies. If it came naturally, God may have said, “Husbands, do what you do best.” But love is not what we do best. Love is not in the “man code”. Respect is. The opposite is true for women, by the way. Respect is not the native language of a woman. It doesn’t just ooze out of them like love tends to.
Since this is true for most of us men and loving our wives is not our natural bent, it becomes necessary, then, to make a decision. A decision to love despite how we may feel. That is exactly what love is, by the way – a decision. It is a choice we make (or don’t make) every single day.
For my wife and I, marriage has been great. Not always easy. But great, nonetheless. At times, it comes very easy. Other times, not so much. There are good days and bad. But, as you’d expect, it has grown us and helped us become better as individuals and as a family. The key so far for us has been the choices we have made to love and respect one another.
But have you ever wondered what the end result of your marriage should be? What the goal should be? Here is what I think may be the answer. (At least I hope it’s the right answer because it’s the goal for me!)
To help my wife be the best version of herself that she can be.
When it is all said and done, I hope that Sarah will be able to look back and see that the choice that I made to love her resulted in her being the best possible version of herself that she could be. If that happens, my kids will be blessed. Our home will be blessed. Our work will be blessed. Our community will be blessed. In fact, if enough of us did this our nation would also be blessed.
By choosing to love her and help her become her best, we all are blessed.
A Husband’s Homework
Husbands, think about your marriage for a minute:
- Do you see your wife as someone who is there to make your life better or is that what you’re there to do for her?
- Are you serving or looking to be served?
- What are you willing to sacrifice in order to see her succeed?
- Do you have goals for your marriage or think about what a successful one means to you?
- Would your definition of a successful marriage be the same as hers?
- What is one, small thing you can do today to improve your marriage?
Love is more than words. It is actions lived out as a result of decisions to die to what you want in order to lift up her needs and she wants most. But here’s the little secret (make sure you don’t tell anyone): when you do this, your needs and wants will almost certainly be met! Why? Because she is motivated by love to give, sacrifice, and share. She will show more respect and submit to more of what you want out of a willing heart when her heart is taken care of. So take care of her heart. Love her and be remembered as a husband who truly loved his wife.
Now it’s your turn! Please comment and share below: How do you want to be remembered?
Last thing: If you haven’t read Love & Respect from Dr. Eggerichs, you MUST! It is excellent!